1 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,346 Oh, here comes Daddy. 2 00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,015 How do I look? 3 00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,184 - Terrific, Mom. - Good. 4 00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:27,855 You know, every payday I like Daddy to see what his last check went for. 5 00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:31,025 Assume the position. 6 00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:36,897 Hi. Nice to see you. Good to be back. 7 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,899 If anyone needs me, I'll be on the couch. 8 00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,635 Goodbye. So long. Don't write. Don't call. 9 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:46,173 Al, perhaps you didn't see us. 10 00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,677 I think he's playing dumb. 11 00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:54,014 No, honey. I've known him for years. He's not playing. 12 00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:58,219 - Where's the money, Al? - I got robbed. 13 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:02,456 I was driving home and I drove by the bank, and the street was cordoned off. 14 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,192 So I knew I shouldn't get out of the car, but I did... 15 00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:06,994 ...And that's when they jumped me. 16 00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,663 - Muggers, Al? - Worse. 17 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,465 Bankers. 18 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,668 Bill collectors, electric-company reps... 19 00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,671 ...That wiry little woman from the water company. 20 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:19,240 They were all there. 21 00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:21,475 They threw me down, forced a pen in my hand... 22 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,978 ...And made me pay bills against my will. 23 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:27,081 I felt so violated. 24 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,650 But I fought like a wildcat... 25 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,418 ...And I think I felt a toe snap... 26 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:34,622 ...When I bit through that water-company babe's penny loafer. 27 00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:39,326 And that gas guy's gonna be reading meters out of one eye for a while. 28 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,263 Well, you know, this is my own fault. 29 00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:44,298 The organ grinder who owns the monkey... 30 00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,934 ...Doesn't let him have the check. 31 00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:49,904 You're the organ grinder, all right. 32 00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:55,843 Hey, what's this? 33 00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:59,747 Well, it was my handkerchief. 34 00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:01,916 Here, boy. 35 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,653 Good boy. 36 00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:08,789 Hey, kids, look at this. 37 00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:13,093 It's a brochure announcing a monthly shoe-sales contest. 38 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:17,698 And the winner gets a free first-class trip to Hawaii. 39 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,668 Well, that's fine for the winner, but what would Dad get? 40 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,506 So you bowel-constricting vampires I call loved ones... 41 00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,908 ...Think I couldn't possibly be a winner, huh? 42 00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:30,477 - No. - Not really. 43 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,614 Oh, sure, I pulled the handle on the slot machine of life... 44 00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:36,350 ...And come up with prune, lemon... 45 00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:38,953 ...And the lonely Mr. Cherry. 46 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,093 But I was a high school hero. 47 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,695 And I can do it again. 48 00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:50,931 Any man who can score four touchdowns in a single game... 49 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:53,434 ...After a night with your mother... 50 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,970 ...Is surely capable of new glory. 51 00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:59,139 Al Bundy will win this contest and go to Hawaii. 52 00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:01,308 - First class. - How come the winner... 53 00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,243 - ...Only gets one ticket? - Otherwise... 54 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,113 ...He'd have to take his wife. Where's the incentive there? 55 00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,917 Here he comes. 56 00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:12,286 He's coming in for a pit stop. 57 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:19,159 Sold 24 pair of shoes, and I'm in third place. 58 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,396 Shower me. 59 00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,634 Squeegee me. 60 00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:29,803 Shoe me. 61 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,373 Fratella's in second place, but I can take him. 62 00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:36,410 He goes home at night to visit his wife. The sap still loves her. 63 00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:38,746 Luckily I don't have that problem. 64 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:42,449 No time for frivolity. 65 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,585 Freshen me. 66 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,454 Shirt me. 67 00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,425 Shoe me. 68 00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:54,261 Get away from me. 69 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:59,466 I am now ready to sell. 70 00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:04,271 That should be Marcie coming to buy shoes. 71 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,677 The strangest thing just happened. 72 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,111 I was taking a shower... 73 00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:14,248 ...And someone broke in and stole all my shoes. 74 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:18,619 How odd. 75 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:24,658 I only hope that this is not a night in which you need shoes. 76 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,627 Well, you know she does, Al, I told you. 77 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:29,830 We have a big, important dinner with the bank president, remember? 78 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,700 Marcie was in the shower, you told me my hair was a mess... 79 00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:36,236 ...So of course, I ran off to fix it. When I came back, you were gone. 80 00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:38,205 You must have just missed the burglar. 81 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:41,975 Anyway, hey, how's my hair? 82 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,244 Soft, yet manageable. 83 00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:46,847 Now, Marcie, as a friend who's also in the business... 84 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,316 ...Let me fix you up with a nice pair of shoes. 85 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,286 Now, just sit down right here and put your feet in my hands. 86 00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,988 You're not gonna look up my dress, are you? 87 00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,894 I'm not going through the rest of my life blind... 88 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,396 ...Just to sell you shoes. 89 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:09,303 Now, here, let me show you a very nice set of pumps. 90 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,572 Two-inch heels, which, by coincidence... 91 00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,074 ...Match your dress exactly. 92 00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:17,678 - They're perfect. I'll take them. - Fine. That'll be $500. 93 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,546 Five hundred dollars? 94 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,115 Well, they came in a six-pack. 95 00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,383 Apparently, they were a family of cats... 96 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,552 ...And we were asked not to separate them. 97 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,955 But trust me. They weren't killed for shoes. 98 00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:30,290 They were all run over by cars. 99 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:34,528 That must be where they get Hush Puppies. 100 00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:39,133 Oh, spare me. Just give me the shoes. 101 00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,668 I'm tired of looking at myself in your head. 102 00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,705 Come on, Jefferson, we're late. 103 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:48,408 And remember, after dinner when they serve the cigars and brandy... 104 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,778 ...You go in the other room with the wives. 105 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:53,514 All right, but I better get a phone book for my pants... 106 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,582 ...Because every time it's the same thing. 107 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,618 The lights "accidentally" go out... 108 00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,888 ...And I'm the helpless victim of a gang-goose. 109 00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:04,558 Look, those people are important to my career. 110 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,693 You'll take it and like it, missy. 111 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,935 Marcie, come on. I need some help. The wind has picked up. 112 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:18,505 Could be disastrous for my hair. You know. 113 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,747 Mom. You know what I'm thinking? 114 00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:30,517 That we should go upstairs and split up Marcie's shoes? 115 00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:33,987 No, I was just wondering what I was thinking, because I forgot. 116 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,361 Hi, Dad. 117 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:48,335 - This is Petal. - It's part of a flower. 118 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:54,575 Isn't she great? I met her in Quantum Physics. 119 00:07:55,375 --> 00:07:56,643 Hold my calls. 120 00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:59,880 There never are any, son. 121 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,082 Never mind that now, Dad. 122 00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:04,084 See you tomorrow. 123 00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,820 Young lady! 124 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,690 Young lady, you do realize... 125 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:12,259 ...That's my son's bedroom you're going to? 126 00:08:12,426 --> 00:08:14,061 Yes. 127 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:31,578 Hey, nice shoes. 128 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,683 Dad, don't. 129 00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:39,620 Come on, Dad. Dad, no. 130 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,859 Come on, Bud. Get over it. 131 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:49,062 What is one girl in the grand scheme of your life? 132 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,598 Just your only chance. 133 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,935 Oh, come on, you're not alone in this. 134 00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:58,805 I myself have never had a woman, and I'm fine. 135 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,909 And neither has Mom. 136 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,711 And lately, neither has your father. 137 00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:08,115 Family. 138 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,051 Bask in the glory. 139 00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,686 I did it. 140 00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:15,088 I won the contest. 141 00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:24,364 You're looking at the shoe salesman of the month. 142 00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:27,734 I'm going to Hawaii. First class. 143 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,237 And you know what they have in first class? 144 00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:32,873 Unlimited peanuts. 145 00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:37,477 And a passenger-lavatory ratio of only six to one. 146 00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:40,147 Gee, I'm gonna miss you guys. 147 00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:44,685 Well, hang onto your haemorrhoids, honey. 148 00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:46,119 I have news for you. 149 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:49,489 I called the airlines and there's been a change of plans. 150 00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:53,593 I traded your first-class ticket in for four standbys. 151 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,530 We're all going to Hawaii together. 152 00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,599 And, Dad... 153 00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,202 ...It was my idea. 154 00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:05,439 Oh, that was so smart. 155 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,587 Well, standby isn't too bad. 156 00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:23,523 I mean, how long can they possibly make us wait? 157 00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:47,581 Well, I checked on Seven. 158 00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,416 Marcie found him where we left him. 159 00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:51,651 In her guest room. 160 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,320 She said she'd look after him. 161 00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:57,324 She's just amazed by the things that happen when she's in the shower. 162 00:10:57,491 --> 00:11:00,027 - Well, what about Buck? - Oh, I took care of that. 163 00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,195 I opened up six cans of dog food... 164 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:05,432 ...And I told him to only eat one each day. 165 00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:08,368 And I could tell by the way he dug into that first can... 166 00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:10,337 ...That he understood completely. 167 00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:11,772 Some man... 168 00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:13,206 ...Or men... 169 00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:16,109 ...Are gonna be very lucky to have you one day. 170 00:11:18,412 --> 00:11:19,946 Attention, ladies and gentlemen. 171 00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:24,851 In the first-class lounge the champagne is now 42 degrees. 172 00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:29,823 And, as always, unlimited peanuts are now being served. 173 00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,360 First class. 174 00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:36,363 Champagne. Peanuts flowing like wine. 175 00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,131 That was supposed to be me. 176 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:54,381 Welcome to the first-class lounge. May I see your ticket, sir? 177 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,619 This is standby. 178 00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,855 You embarrass me and yourself. 179 00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:06,126 - Excuse me. - Hey. 180 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,495 It's John Sebastian. 181 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,001 Believe in magic, buddy. 182 00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,908 I seem to have lost my ticket. 183 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,044 Oh, it doesn't matter, Mr. Sebastian. 184 00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:28,982 We know you. Go right in. As always, the peanuts are unlimited. 185 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,384 Life is good. 186 00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,488 I should have said I lost my ticket. 187 00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:38,391 Wouldn't have done any good. You're not a rock star. 188 00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:54,474 Oh, Richie Havens. Welcome, sir. 189 00:12:55,842 --> 00:13:00,080 Spencer Davis. Good to see you. 190 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:04,317 Robby Krieger. I love the Doors. 191 00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:08,121 - Mark Lindsay, always a pleasure. - Thank you. 192 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:11,558 Peter Noone. Please come in. 193 00:13:11,725 --> 00:13:14,728 Hey, man. Groovy there. Right on. 194 00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:19,099 Peace, love... 195 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:22,536 ...And women shouldn't have to cook, man. 196 00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:25,038 Dig it, I'm hip. 197 00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:29,743 Try to keep the groupies off me if you can. 198 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,879 Excuse me, excuse me. 199 00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,615 - Ticket, please. - Well... 200 00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:40,287 ...Must've left it in the limo. Rock n roll always forgets. 201 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:44,291 I'm sorry, sir, but I don't recognize you. You'll need a ticket. 202 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,628 Sebastian. John, my man. 203 00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,830 Come here. 204 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,867 Hey, how you doing? 205 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,438 How they hanging, fellow rock bro? 206 00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:02,742 Well, let's just say I can find them when I need them. 207 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,415 Axle. Axle Bundy. 208 00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:14,654 You know, from-- From Shoes and Socks, remember? 209 00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,923 San Francisco, 1969. 210 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:21,161 I don't remember too much about 1969. 211 00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,163 Who does? 212 00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:29,970 But seriously, you must remember me from the big concert last year. 213 00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:32,005 Live Aid. 214 00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,174 Lemonade. 215 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:37,244 Kool-Aid, Ice Capade. One of those. 216 00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:39,512 Yeah, I remember. 217 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:43,049 Peter, look who's here. 218 00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,988 Who's he? 219 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,056 Axle Bundy? 220 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:53,059 Oh, Axle, great. Hey, I'm a big fan. 221 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,563 I've got one of your records. You remember the one that sold. 222 00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:57,998 Have you still got... 223 00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,200 ...That tambourine-playing wife in your band? 224 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:03,036 Still screeches horrible backup vocals. 225 00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:07,307 Hey, you must be-- 226 00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:09,876 Just call me yours. 227 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,980 Yeah, and we're Bombshell and Troll. 228 00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,850 Hey, fab. Hey, come on in. 229 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:20,153 Unlimited peanuts for all in here. 230 00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:28,495 Hey, you got something on your tie-- 231 00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:43,009 Sandwiches. 232 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:52,452 Could you imagine living like this all the time? 233 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,322 No wonder Fergie's such a piglet. 234 00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,092 Could life be any grander? 235 00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:03,163 Who'd have thunk it? Living it up with the geezers of rock. 236 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,298 Speaking of geezers... 237 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,500 ...Son, have you seen your mother? 238 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:11,504 No, but if she's anywhere on this stewardess, I'll find her. 239 00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:17,944 You are who I think of when I have sex with my husband. 240 00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:26,152 You are who I think of when I have sex with my husband. 241 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:34,327 You are who I think of when I have sex with my husband. 242 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,065 You are who I think of when I-- 243 00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:45,505 When I clean up the floor around the toilet. 244 00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:48,375 Hey, Axle, come on and join us over here. 245 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,276 We're jamming. 246 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:53,713 Yeah, come on, man. It wouldn't be a jam without... 247 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,882 Who is that guy? 248 00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:59,753 The name's Awful Grungy or something. 249 00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,756 I don't-- I don't know him. 250 00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:06,693 But I know that's Peggy, and I believe we all remember her. 251 00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,400 I think I remember him. 252 00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:16,669 Didn't he use to be the fifth Monkee? 253 00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:19,572 Hey, Ankle, we're waiting on you. Come on. 254 00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:22,008 Come on, Daddy, you never play at home. 255 00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:25,078 Oh, I don't know. 256 00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:28,014 - Hey, fellow rock bros. - Hey. 257 00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:31,251 - I just had me a groupie. - All right. 258 00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:32,886 Hey, why don't you jam with us. 259 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,589 Come on, Al, for old time's sake. 260 00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:16,196 Hey, man, where'd you learn to play pastrami like that? 261 00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:18,598 A little after-hours deli on the South Side. 262 00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:22,402 Wild, man. You got cold cuts in your blood, man. 263 00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:25,405 By the way, a little mustard on your pants. 264 00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:29,609 Flight 107 to Tucson now boarding Gate 4A. 265 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,044 That's us. Let's go. 266 00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:33,913 Well. 267 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,982 Come on, time to go. 268 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,384 Say goodbye to first-class Axle... 269 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,286 ...And hello to standby Al. 270 00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,424 Hey, Axle. 271 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:45,859 Where you going? 272 00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,594 Forgot my ticket. 273 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,129 Ticket? You don't need a ticket. Everybody knows you. 274 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,932 Yeah, come on. We got the whole first-class compartment... 275 00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:55,335 ...All to ourselves. And we're doing a benefit... 276 00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,871 ...And we need all the big stars we can get, Axle. 277 00:18:58,037 --> 00:19:00,640 Yeah, there aren't many bigger stars than you... 278 00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,642 ...Maxwell. 279 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:08,448 Come on, we need your blue-eyed, bad-wigged soul. 280 00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:09,949 Gee, why not, Al? 281 00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:12,218 It'd be just like singing in the shower. 282 00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:13,753 If you sang. 283 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,922 Or showered. 284 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,525 Come on. 285 00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:19,993 Oh, all right. Let's go. 286 00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:24,464 Wait a second, wait a second. 287 00:19:28,902 --> 00:19:30,737 I need Lucille. 288 00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:34,440 - Take no prisoners. - Peanuts! 289 00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,511 All right. And now, as promised... 290 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:42,515 ...The world premiere of the superstar video... 291 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,651 ...For Old Aid. 292 00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:54,661 We are the old 293 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,997 We've got arthritis 294 00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:01,334 - Our gums are weak - So weak 295 00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:04,270 From gingivitis 296 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,576 We are the old 297 00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:12,979 We've got arthritis 298 00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:19,252 We are the ones who wear bifocals And have bursitis 299 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,923 There are people younger 300 00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:27,126 But we heed another call 301 00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:30,597 We really need the money 302 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:34,834 Our accountants took it all 303 00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,737 We sing to you 304 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:41,374 Those who have money 305 00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:43,810 Once we was cool 306 00:20:43,977 --> 00:20:48,114 But now we just dress funny 307 00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:50,583 We need your help 308 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:54,354 So please, please dig deep 309 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,724 Don't call after ten 310 00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:01,928 'Cause we'll be asleep 311 00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:05,598 We have Medicare 312 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,968 And anti-gas pills 313 00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:15,642 But without your help We can't pay our alimony bills 314 00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:17,210 {\an8}Take it, Axle. 315 00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:31,791 We are the old 316 00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:33,493 They are the old 317 00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:35,228 We have arthritis 318 00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:36,896 They have arthritis 319 00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:39,866 Once we were gods 320 00:21:40,033 --> 00:21:42,268 Now golf excites us 321 00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:44,037 Golf excites them. 322 00:21:44,203 --> 00:21:45,405 So write a check 323 00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:46,773 A really big one. 324 00:21:46,939 --> 00:21:49,976 For our December 325 00:21:50,143 --> 00:21:52,779 There's one more verse 326 00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:56,549 But we can't remember 327 00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:08,027 Sing this, Axle. 328 00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:24,277 One more time.